Life is good with happy gorillas, not so much with evil clowns under your bed.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A break in the clouds

First, a rant.

At any given time, somewhere in the nation, at pretty much any given Wal-Mart you will have sightings of Elvis, actual fresh fruit, entire aisles dedicated to the hat-wearing redneck demographic and 10,000 worthless piece of crap toys placed directly at child-eye level so that you spend your checkout wait (oh and there is always a wait) slowly becoming the meanest, most neglectful parent on Earth.

BUT, can I find one bag, just ONE FREAKIN' BAG, of Smarties candy? Hell no. Seriously? Not even an empty shelf spot. They do not carry Smarties. Why? They carry the repugnant Smarties Valentine's candies, which do not have the same sweet melty sugary flavor. Why Wal-Mart? Why? Is it because it is Canadian? What do you have against Canada? Why are you denying a woman in need her Smarties? Do you think I have the patience to make two stops with an over-tired and slightly sociopathic 2 year old? Huh? Do you know that I bought a QUADRUPLE White Mocha Latte today, just to have the energy to deal with him in one store? That is FOUR shots of espresso. And probably 700 calories.

So I took the Valentine's Smarties, and lets just say I'm very disappointed.

Now, for the good news.

Hands and wrists! That is it, just hands and wrists! The backache went away within an hour or so of waking, and then for the last two days all it has been is hands and wrists!

I almost want to sing those two words, like "Silver and Gold" from the Rudolph Christmas special. Out of respect for Burl Ives, and the desire to not see his angry ghost, I will control myself.

An extra shot of Enbrel was all it took. Too bad that is the most painful freakin' shot I've ever given myself. I hate that stupid pen-injector doohickey. I bet it is some huge 16 gauge harpoon, I don't know, you don't ever get to see the thing that is injecting you. Or maybe the medication really does sting that much, I don't know. All I know is that next month I'm getting prefilled syringes. I would rather just draw up my own, but I guess they don't give you that option, lest you become an Enbrel junkie....not sure why, but I guess they gotta protect us from ourselves.

Other good news? No cancer in the bladder! Woo!!! That is great news for me. One less thing to worry about. Well except for the kidney infection that I knew I had (and d'oh, forgot to pick up the prescription for, again.). Guess the bags of IV antibiotics at the ER the other weekend and then taking cephalexin 4 times a day didn't get the job done, not cool.

Yeah, the ER. Luckily for me, we were downtown having just seen Cesar Millan.....hilarious show, BTW. So hubby dropped me off at OSU, instead of Mt. Carmel East, which is where I normally go. My nephrologist works out of OSU, and so the whole ER was familiar with his patients and my freakish kidney disease. I was there more for my RA though, it was so bad, combined with the kidney flare, I was sure I was destined for death. They sent a 4th year med student in to get my history and see what was going on. As I explained to him the crap I was dealing with, I guess I used too many medical words in the proper context because when I got to the point where I was telling him that I dipped my urine that morning and found nitrites along with the leukocytes so I was sure something was up and the protein was greater than normal, he stopped me. "What DO you do?" I assured him I was not in the medical profession, but had been around the block one too many times, and know what to watch for before I start going downhill fast.

Later on they came in with Dilaudid. I didn't want it, I really wanted Toradol, even though it is an NSAID, could I please have it if my creatnine clearance was good? Dilaudid, I explained, didn't help much with the RA pain, but Toradol would. Again I was given an odd look. "I'm not a drug seeker, I don't want the Dilaudid" The nurse assured me that most drug seekers don't present having accurately told the medical staff what they'll find on a multistix because they dipped their urine that day and knew it wasn't good. Nor do drug seekers turn down the Holy Grail of the drug seeker to beg for a non-narcotic. But sadly, they could not give me the NSAID, something about "doing no harm" I don't know. I took the Dilaudid. They kept me overnight. Whaddya know, it WILL help with RA pain, when you're given 2mg every 2 hours all night long, so that you don't come out of your haze until 8pm the next day. I kept falling asleep standing up and talking nonsense. I was, if only for a night, my own episode of "Intervention". Thank God that is over. Well, all except the kidney infection.

So here we are a week and a half later, and I'm still infected. At least only my hands and wrists hurt now. How wonderful is that? I'm sure the weather warming up may have helped. I'm also sure that I'd be even better if I had some Smarties to nosh on. But sadly I do not.

There are two places where I assign blame when something pisses me off. The first is John Madden. The second is Wal-Mart. Today Wal-Mart wins the blame game. Curse you Wal-Mart!!!!!

Thus ends a great two days, where my most annoying and irritating of problems in the inability to get the candy I like at the store that is supposed to have everything. I can totally be cool with that!

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